Ta-Da!

I had fun giving the blog a spring makeover.  Hope you like the new look.  I didn't want to change the name so I added to the title to reflect where we are now.  If you are getting this via e-mail first let me say, thanks for subscribing.  Next, please take a minute to link to the actual site so you can see the new look for yourself.

Today is my birthday.  It is the first time I am on Facebook for my birthday.  It is also the first birthday that my Blackberry is synced with my e-mail.  Last night around nine o'clock, my Blackberry started vibrating and hasn't stopped.  It made me smile every time because I knew it was someone taking a minute to send birthday wishes.  I am thankful for each of them but a few stand out.  Of course, the two that arrived all the way from England were special.  Another that stood out was from a Holy Name friend.  She sent it the day BEFORE my birthday because of my last post about liking that better than the actual day.  It meant so much because she represents all of you that read the blog.  I love writing it and am really thankful for such a kind audience.

Speaking of the audience for my blog, there is someone who visits the site occasionally and leaves anonymous comments that are negative.  Describing these comments as negative is being generous.  They are vicious and personal.  When I first read them, I was devastated.  I stopped writing for a little while as a processed what this person had said.  Some people suggested blocking comments.  I don't ever want to do this.  In the end I realize that if I want to put myself out there and get all the wonderful comments, I have to take the bad ones too.  The blessings I receive when someone takes the time to let me know that my writing touched them, far out weighs having ugly things said by someone too chicken to identify themselves.

It is amazing how much power words hold.  The written word even more so because you can revisit it.  Thankfully, that includes great works of literature, uplifting poetry and even personal letters from deceased relatives.  Unfortunately, it means unkind things can be put in print to hurt someone again and again.  I have been wanting to write about this for awhile now.  I just wasn't in the right place.  I was still letting that person get the best of me.  I was really sad.  Now I am okay.  I know who I am and why I make the decisions I do.  This may sound juvenile but it is a simple saying that puts it in perspective:

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Funny thing is one of the comments basically said- Oh, it must be nice to share one side of the story.  I had to laugh at this.  Yes, it is one side of the story- MY SIDE!  After all, it is MY blog.  Thanks for reading my side and since it is, let me say- Happy Birthday to me!

Ah. I feel so much better now.
Dina

Back in the Saddle

Appropriate title since I am blogging from the land of the Dallas Cowboys! (Boo Hiss!) Anyway, I am happy to be here because it means I am visiting with my sister and her family. Her oldest daughter and my godchild, Camille is receiving her First Communion this Saturday. I am glad we can celebrate such a special event with her.

A few weeks ago, I read a blog by a Catholic mom and she had written that she would update the blog on certain days. That was a light bulb moment for me! YES! I need deadlines. That was the solution. I would committ to posting a new blog on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Not a big committment, but a committment none the less that would force me to sit and write all the thoughts that are constantly rattling around this brain of mine. Well, you can see how far that has gotten me. No where but "guiltville". Maybe it is the fact that "guiltville" is not a pleasant place to be or maybe being on the road makes me feel like I should be blogging. In either case, here I am writing again.

There is SO much I could write about this spring and what it feels like to be in limbo. Last May, we thought we were moving to Las Vegas. Now, a year later, we still don't know where we want to be. It stinks. On good days, I think of it as an extended Thursday. Let me explain. Thursday is my favorite day of the week because it holds all the promise of the weekend ahead. I like Christmas Eve better than Christmas Day and even the day BEFORE my birthday better than the actual day. It's all in the anticipation. Right now, we can talk and dream and hope. We don't have to pack and schedule. Dreaming and hoping is great but eventually you are ready to move on. I have found out that even perpetual Thursday gets old. I am ready to move on, whatever that means. Whether it be staying in New Orleans, moving to DC or even the thrill of going back overseas. On the worst days, I want to shake my fist at God and kick and scream like a toddler. Enough already! Give us a definitive answer. Make things crystal clear! But isn't that the tricky part of life? That so much of what we do isn't crystal clear and we have to make the best decisions with the information at hand, knowing full well we have to be prepared to adjust as the landscape shifts around us. Guess we are never meant to be too comfortable in this life.

The ride to Dallas afforded me time to listen to my ipod, something I don't do very often. I am not a fan of headphones. (My, doesn't that sound so 70's? I can picture myself plugged in to my parents stereo jamming to an eight track tape sporting black vinyl headphones that make me look like Princess Leia. What do we call those tiny things we insert into our ears today? Ear buds? Sounds like something you get if you don't clean your ears properly. But I digress..) Anyway, when my husband or children wear them, it feels like a personal affront, an attempt to block me out. I need to get over myself. Inserting these things into my ears, makes the music so personal, as if the artist is whispering the words just for me. I have loved James Taylor as long as I can remember and loved this particular song as well. Yesterday, however, I realized that Mr. Taylor had basically put my experience this spring into a neat little story and set that story to music.


Like everyone she knows, she's holding out for true love. Waiting on an answer. Ready for a change. And everywhere she goes she's just a little bit on the lookout, a day might mean tomorrow. Questions still remain.

It's not that she's so sad, she always was a happy soul but lately she gets to wondering to herself, what's the good of going on anymore. I see her in her room, sitting at the window, wondering if she's pretty, feeling just a little small tonight. She thinks of going home, giving up on the city maybe moving back down to Mobile. It's not that far to fall.

I know she won't see me but I might just say anyhow, if I could be right there, right now as I myself was told: "Hold tight to your heart's desire. Never ever let it go. Let nobody fool you into giving it up too soon. Tend your own fire. Lay low and be strong. Wait awhile. Wait it out. It will come along.

Wait awhile. Wait it out. Let it come along."

Thanks, James for helping me share my story and giving me some good advice.

Dina

Butler and Easter

I only vaguely followed the NCAA Final Four tournament. Even someone remotely aware of the tournament probably knows about the unlikely team of Butler meeting the basketball Goliath of Duke in the final game.

The story reminded me of the Saints fairy tale season- underdogs, momentum building, nation watching and beginning to rally around them. I was certain this was THEIR season, one of fate. My father-in-law made a prediction of Duke winning by a sizable margin and I quickly explained my view, comparing them with our beloved Saints.

I had made a "date" with my mother-in-law to watch a movie so I wasn't even watching the game. I kept tabs on the score, however, by occasionally calling out to Mark to check on it. Sounds like it was an amazing game. David, in the form of Butler, stood toe to toe with Goliath. Every time I checked, it was within a point or two. Finally, with thirteen seconds left, Butler had the ball and I paused the movie to watch. I wanted to witness that moment of sheer joy, the culmination of the dream, the prayer answered. I watched in disbelief as a shot went up and met nothing but air, then Duke stole the ball, scored a point with a free throw and left only 3 seconds on the clock. One last chance. One last shot. Then, stunned silence as the ball sailed through the air miles from the net. It was hard to look into the faces of the players and the fans. I imagine it was hard for anyone watching but more so for a Saints fan. We had just had our dream completed, our prayer answered. What if Hartley had missed the kick? That would have been us.

I am a Christian and an optimist. The worst part of the entire scenario is that it was Easter Monday. Jesus had risen. The underdog winning is simply an analogy for the story of the Resurrection. That is why we always root for them. I could not make sense of this loss. It seemed as unnecessary as so many things we question in this life- the loss of a job, a young couple struggling to have a baby, the untimely death of a loved one. Why couldn't Butler have their "Hallelujah" moment, that one we Saints fans know so well and will never forget? Watching that dream die before their eyes was so painful to me.

I started writing this post last week. I got to a dead end. I couldn't come to a conclusion, at least not one an optimistic Christian could understand. I was talking to Mark about it and he concurred. He said I should set it on the side and the answer would come. I was dropping him off and turned on the radio as he got out of the car. The song playing stopped me in my tracks.

A woman holding on for life, a dying man giving up the fight

are better than a hallelujah sometimes.

Tears of shame for what's been done, the silence when the words won't come

are better than a hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody.

Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts

are better than a hallelujah.

Wow! What a beautiful idea. Our times of pain and suffering glorify God in ways our joys and triumphs can't. The only way to Easter Sunday is through Good Friday. Standing there, watching the Butler basketball team had me initially asking questions. Finally, more than a week later I got an answer. This life is filled with moments of triumph and joy as well as disappointment and pain. In the end, however, good prevails and justice is served. Each member of that basketball team will get their moment because, thanks to Jesus, the end of every life's story can be the greatest "hallelujah" we will ever know.

Happy Easter.

Dina

PS. Here's a link to the song by Amy Grant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nMvvoXa9Yk

Boys Will Be Boys

Just a quick story that was too funny not to share...

William tattled on Sam that he was playing the Wii without asking. Trying to be funny I said, "Tell him to come here because I want to hang him by his toenails." William's way-to-excited-for-my-comfort response was, "With a rope?!"

Hope this gives you a laugh, too. Happy Spring!

Dina

Gem of the Day

I saw a book about parenting "tweens" that pictured a porcupine on the front cover. It amused me at the time but now it is hitting home. I have two "tweens" in the house, Sam and Mary Elizabeth. Of the two, Mary Elizabeth has the most prickles. Daily, I feel the pokes of those prickles in the form of sighing, eye-rolling and general disgust with life as she knows it. It is hard to remember the sweet little girl who always enjoyed playing dress-up, twirling around the house and tea parties. I know she is there but she sure does a good job of concealing it.

Emme, as we call her, is very emotional and passionate. Hmmm...am I looking in a mirror? (No comments from my own mother necessary!) The other day when Emme was going on and on about some flagrant injustice like the price of Rice Kripy treats at the snack sale, Sam commented, "Boy, Mom, she sure is your daughter." Sam then reminded me of my harping on a questionable answer at a quiz bowl tournament in which he participated. Bringing it up had me responding- "Well, clearly it should have been ..." and "It is absolutely ridiculous that...". To which Sam plainly said, "See what I mean?"

All this emotion and passion between the two of us, can definitely make it difficult as we navigate the rough waters of the next few years. Any mother who has been through it knows that feeling that you can't do anything right. You don't know anything. You don't understand. I can really take this to heart instead of giving her a little space and taking it with a grain of salt, like I should. It isn't pleasant to be swept up in an hormonal tidal wave. Some days, I feel as if I have been beaten on the shore, unable to get my bearings.

There are times, however, that Mary Elizabeth is her old self, kind and carefree. Today, we were heading to a Mother/Daughter day hosted by the Catholic Church to discuss growing up. Well, at least I was headed. Emme, on the other hand, was being "DRAGGED there". I managed to ignore her whining. In the car she proclaimed this gem. "Mom, I think we make a cute pair." Wow! It took my breath away. I started to protest and say something like, "Well, it sure doesn't feel like that most of the time.", but I stopped myself. She had given me a gift. I kept my mouth closed and graciously accepted it. I realized I shouldn't get caught up in the rough waters or let them toss me about. I simply need to use little gifts like these to help me keep my eyes on the prize.

And what a prize she has always been!

Happy, Happy Bunny

I enjoy picking out treats for the children's Easter baskets every year. As we have added kids, the task becomes more daunting. Trying to remember who likes Hershey's Cookies N' Cream versus Milky Way can be a real challenge. I am thankful to have Sam and Mary Elizabeth aware of the charade so I can ask them for last minute help remembering everyone's favorites and "must have's".

The other day, in a desperate attempt for help, I told the kids that the Easter Bunny would probably like a little help and asked them to list the items they were hoping to get on Easter morning. Annie asked if I thought the Bunny could get Worcester crisps. In the UK, potato chips are called crisps and they have the most amazing flavors like prawn cocktail, thai sweet chili, pickled onion, worcester sauce, and roasted chicken-with or without lemon and thyme, imagine that! I was thrilled to hear this question because I had been searching the web for British food in the US. I had found a treasure trove of websites and was excited about placing an order.

I can't wait until Easter Sunday when they find Walker's crisps and Mr. Kipling's Victoria cakes (yes, named for Queen Victoria) waiting for them. There are a few other odds and ends like biscuits, a big box of our favorite cereal, a chocolate bar for me and some tea, of course. Since the company is based in Pennsylvania, the shipping was reasonable and so was the shipping time. Shopping on the website was wonderful, like visiting England without leaving the comfort of my living room. If you'd like to get a feel for grocery shopping in England, check it out: http://www.britishfoodshop.com/

Another taste of England I am quite thankful for are the connections on Facebook. I have been keeping my knitting friend up to date with the progress, or lack thereof, on my gingerbread man. Remember him? Well, I did find a knitting group here in New Orleans so he WILL get finished and I WILL post a photo. Notice the conviction in my tone?! I came across this video on my friend's Facebook page and wanted to share it with you. It is a lovely look at the little piece of England I was fortunate enough to call home for a few months. Enjoy!

http://www.gowight.com/

Dina

What's Next

It is so good to be writing again. Why do I put this off time and time again? It is certainly not for lack of material. As I go through the day, there are so many thoughts that come to mind that I want to share with you. Sometimes, I wish I could shut my brain off. Unfortunately, my fingers aren't as quick as my mouth and life gets me side tracked. Not to mention, I am the queen of procrastination. Okay, maybe just a princess. Don't want to be too hard on myself.

In response to the last post, a friend asked- So, what's next for the Zeldens? Well, I'll tell you. We are moving this summer. Where? Not 100 percent sure. Mark's Louisiana business is shrinking while his DC business is growing- slowly, but growing none the less. We aren't willing to live in New Orleans and have him commute to DC as we did in the past. Mark and I LOVED England and would happily go back there or another place in Europe should an opportunity arise but for now it is likely we will move back to Washington.

Today I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio. It was popular when we moved back from DC 11 years ago.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test and don't ask why.
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable but in the end there's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.


Suddenly, all the feelings came rushing back. Telling friends goodbye. Packing up our tiny apartment. Driving home to Lu-weena, as Sam called it. I certainly had had the time of my life. Mark and I began our married life, moved three times and had two babies during our six years in DC. We made wonderful friends and took advantage of all that the area had to offer like apple picking in the fall and cherry blossoms in the spring. As much as I enjoyed it and as painful as it was to leave, I was happy to be going home. The song describes that difficult time we all have on the cusp of change, when you are too busy looking back and feeling sad to turn and face the road that lies ahead. Once you do, the fun begins. Relationships renewed. A home town waiting to be rediscovered. We have enjoyed every minute of living here and hope to return. New Orleans has been and will always be our first love. For now, however, we are on that cusp again. This time it is a little easier to look forward. Friendships to renew and so much to share with the children. As in the song, we are just waiting for God to "grab us by the wrist and direct us where to go".

On another note, I am happy to know there are still many of you out there who are willing to read. The investment I made in the blog has yielded great returns. I appreciate all your comments and feedback. Today I was pleasantly surprised to discover a new reader. I was also blown away by the concern and friendship he expressed. I came across this quote recently and jotted it down because I liked it so much.

Unless some people see the face of Christ in you,
they may never see the face of Christ.

Thank you friend, for giving me a glimpse of Christ today.

Dina