13 July 2013

The Summer of Letting Go

How has our summer been you ask?  Well, there wasn't much time to catch my breath after packing up the classroom and putting the finishing touches on the school year.

First order of business was getting two children off for three weeks of camp in North Carolina.  With finishing the school year as a good excuse, this mom nearly forgot to reserve a spot on the bus for them.  Fortunately I called in the nick of time which meant there was a spot for each child but not their bags.  This had me scrambling to cram things into duffles and ship it off, leaving me a few dollars poorer.  Lesson learned, maybe.  Call earlier next time.  And hopefully there will be a next time because the kids came back three weeks later full of bug bites and stories and wonderful memories, wearing crosses around their necks given at the last "Friendship Council".  They still put them on faithfully every day which makes me happy.

After my campers were happily on their way, the next order of business was to prepare Sam for his summer in Germany.  Passport?  Check.  Appropriate wardrobe?  Check.  Epi-pen because he has severe nut allergies?  Check (at the very last minute I might add when I noticed the one we had was expired, phew!).

The night before his departure we stayed up late talking.  I was trying to absorb every last bit of him hoping to bottle it up allowing it help me through the long seven weeks ahead.  Tears filled my eyes and I remember telling him that I wish I could go back in time, just for a moment.  I would have him be one or two again and curl up in my lap one more time.   I don't often miss that small child.  It is wonderful to watch your children become who God intended them to be.  But at that moment, sitting in the quiet of the living room, my heart ached for the chance to stroke that soft still-blonde hair and kiss his cherub face, soft and smooth.

So the time came to send him off.  I knew I would be sad and I knew it would be hard.  I just wasn't prepared for the tearing away at my heart.  The small part of me screaming to stop this foolishness and just come home.  So loud was that voice in my head I almost looked around to see if anyone else could hear it.  Just as I had waved, smiling to hide the tears as the campers' bus pulled away, once again I was saying good-bye.  Good-bye to the kids but more a good-bye to them relying on me completely.  Good-bye to a part of their childhood.  An introduction to making their own way in this world.  Thankful for baby steps.  My heart couldn't take it any other way.

It hasn't been a great summer.  It hasn't been a bad summer.  It has been a summer of change and growth.  A summer of letting go.