27 May 2010


I had fun giving the blog a spring makeover.  Hope you like the new look.  I didn't want to change the name so I added to the title to reflect where we are now.  If you are getting this via e-mail first let me say, thanks for subscribing.  Next, please take a minute to link to the actual site so you can see the new look for yourself.

Today is my birthday.  It is the first time I am on Facebook for my birthday.  It is also the first birthday that my Blackberry is synced with my e-mail.  Last night around nine o'clock, my Blackberry started vibrating and hasn't stopped.  It made me smile every time because I knew it was someone taking a minute to send birthday wishes.  I am thankful for each of them but a few stand out.  Of course, the two that arrived all the way from England were special.  Another that stood out was from a Holy Name friend.  She sent it the day BEFORE my birthday because of my last post about liking that better than the actual day.  It meant so much because she represents all of you that read the blog.  I love writing it and am really thankful for such a kind audience.

Speaking of the audience for my blog, there is someone who visits the site occasionally and leaves anonymous comments that are negative.  Describing these comments as negative is being generous.  They are vicious and personal.  When I first read them, I was devastated.  I stopped writing for a little while as a processed what this person had said.  Some people suggested blocking comments.  I don't ever want to do this.  In the end I realize that if I want to put myself out there and get all the wonderful comments, I have to take the bad ones too.  The blessings I receive when someone takes the time to let me know that my writing touched them, far out weighs having ugly things said by someone too chicken to identify themselves.

It is amazing how much power words hold.  The written word even more so because you can revisit it.  Thankfully, that includes great works of literature, uplifting poetry and even personal letters from deceased relatives.  Unfortunately, it means unkind things can be put in print to hurt someone again and again.  I have been wanting to write about this for awhile now.  I just wasn't in the right place.  I was still letting that person get the best of me.  I was really sad.  Now I am okay.  I know who I am and why I make the decisions I do.  This may sound juvenile but it is a simple saying that puts it in perspective:

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Funny thing is one of the comments basically said- Oh, it must be nice to share one side of the story.  I had to laugh at this.  Yes, it is one side of the story- MY SIDE!  After all, it is MY blog.  Thanks for reading my side and since it is, let me say- Happy Birthday to me!

Ah. I feel so much better now.

20 May 2010

Back in the Saddle

Appropriate title since I am blogging from the land of the Dallas Cowboys! (Boo Hiss!) Anyway, I am happy to be here because it means I am visiting with my sister and her family. Her oldest daughter and my godchild, Camille is receiving her First Communion this Saturday. I am glad we can celebrate such a special event with her.

A few weeks ago, I read a blog by a Catholic mom and she had written that she would update the blog on certain days. That was a light bulb moment for me! YES! I need deadlines. That was the solution. I would committ to posting a new blog on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Not a big committment, but a committment none the less that would force me to sit and write all the thoughts that are constantly rattling around this brain of mine. Well, you can see how far that has gotten me. No where but "guiltville". Maybe it is the fact that "guiltville" is not a pleasant place to be or maybe being on the road makes me feel like I should be blogging. In either case, here I am writing again.

There is SO much I could write about this spring and what it feels like to be in limbo. Last May, we thought we were moving to Las Vegas. Now, a year later, we still don't know where we want to be. It stinks. On good days, I think of it as an extended Thursday. Let me explain. Thursday is my favorite day of the week because it holds all the promise of the weekend ahead. I like Christmas Eve better than Christmas Day and even the day BEFORE my birthday better than the actual day. It's all in the anticipation. Right now, we can talk and dream and hope. We don't have to pack and schedule. Dreaming and hoping is great but eventually you are ready to move on. I have found out that even perpetual Thursday gets old. I am ready to move on, whatever that means. Whether it be staying in New Orleans, moving to DC or even the thrill of going back overseas. On the worst days, I want to shake my fist at God and kick and scream like a toddler. Enough already! Give us a definitive answer. Make things crystal clear! But isn't that the tricky part of life? That so much of what we do isn't crystal clear and we have to make the best decisions with the information at hand, knowing full well we have to be prepared to adjust as the landscape shifts around us. Guess we are never meant to be too comfortable in this life.

The ride to Dallas afforded me time to listen to my ipod, something I don't do very often. I am not a fan of headphones. (My, doesn't that sound so 70's? I can picture myself plugged in to my parents stereo jamming to an eight track tape sporting black vinyl headphones that make me look like Princess Leia. What do we call those tiny things we insert into our ears today? Ear buds? Sounds like something you get if you don't clean your ears properly. But I digress..) Anyway, when my husband or children wear them, it feels like a personal affront, an attempt to block me out. I need to get over myself. Inserting these things into my ears, makes the music so personal, as if the artist is whispering the words just for me. I have loved James Taylor as long as I can remember and loved this particular song as well. Yesterday, however, I realized that Mr. Taylor had basically put my experience this spring into a neat little story and set that story to music.

Like everyone she knows, she's holding out for true love. Waiting on an answer. Ready for a change. And everywhere she goes she's just a little bit on the lookout, a day might mean tomorrow. Questions still remain.

It's not that she's so sad, she always was a happy soul but lately she gets to wondering to herself, what's the good of going on anymore. I see her in her room, sitting at the window, wondering if she's pretty, feeling just a little small tonight. She thinks of going home, giving up on the city maybe moving back down to Mobile. It's not that far to fall.

I know she won't see me but I might just say anyhow, if I could be right there, right now as I myself was told: "Hold tight to your heart's desire. Never ever let it go. Let nobody fool you into giving it up too soon. Tend your own fire. Lay low and be strong. Wait awhile. Wait it out. It will come along.

Wait awhile. Wait it out. Let it come along."

Thanks, James for helping me share my story and giving me some good advice.